i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
