will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
