I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As shirtless as possible
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
