The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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