I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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