Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
