I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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