All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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