He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
