Your dad touched me again.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
