seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize