How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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