Are we in a gay sports bar?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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