So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
