New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
