Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
