So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
