Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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