My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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