we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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