Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
