My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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