I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize