His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize