How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
