i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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