I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
