never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
