you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
