I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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