obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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