why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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