Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
