dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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