i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize