Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
