idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
