why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
