Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
