Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize