..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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