Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
