:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
