it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
