I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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