just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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