weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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