Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
