hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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