The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
