I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize