Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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