Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize