I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
