You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
