hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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