you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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