I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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