with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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