Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
