He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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