Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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