you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
