Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
