Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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