every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
