I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
