I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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