Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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