I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
