What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
