Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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