yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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