We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
